March 1st, 2003 - Saturday

A is for Apart

Throughout March, I'm participating in Alphabytes, one entry for each letter of the alphabet.

TOnight George was playing at another gig at a bar with the 60s rock and roll band he's in. Unlike last Saturday, I didn't go with him because first of all, his parents are sick so they couldn't watch the baby, second, I can't pump out all that milk two weeks in a row, third, I'm sick too, and fourth, this particular bar has them doing five (!) sets from 9-2:30. It's just too long for me to leave her with anyone at this age.

He's been doing well for getting gigs so far this year and it's great because he loves to play and it's extra money too which is beneficial since no one pays me for the job I do as a stay at home mother. Unfortunately, it means spending evenings apart. It means that at least once a week he's out at practice and lately it means one or two nights on the weekend of him playing while I'm at home.

As sappy as it sounds, I miss him. Sure, I do miss having someone around to play "Pass The Baby" so that I can give my arms and back a rest (not to mention my sanity when she's particularly hard to console), but it's more than that. Even after four years together, I miss him when he's not here. I spent a large part of our time together going WITH him to the bars to hear him play, and I really don't mind not going for the most part because the trade off is that I get to be with the baby. However, sometimes it's still weird to not be there.

And it's weird to not have him here.

I know it's probably all a little saccharine but it's true. There are times when we spend too much time together and then we each annoy the hell out of each other and require some space for a few hours but in general, I like when we're together. Even when I'm out in the living room and he's down the hall working on some music, although we're doing things separately, I know he's there.

I guess it's not that strange for us though. When we first started dating, we worked for the recording studio, so we were together every single day of the week. Then we would be together after hours and then that spread to the weekends. Then I moved in with him, and we were together a hell of a lot - all day at work, all night at home, and most of our weekend time.

I've gotten used to be apart during the weekdays but I still miss him in the evenings or weekends when we have to be apart. And I sometimes miss working with him.

On the other hand, I'm not willing to give up being at home with the baby to go to work with him so that's out. But I could use a little less apart time nonetheless.

Tonight has been pretty good though. Hayley's still trying desperately to get those top teeth through. I can see them just beneath the surface but they still haven't actually cut (ow!) through. Due to the commotion of teething, you just never really know what your day and night will be like ahead of time. Any semblance of predictability (as little as there is with a baby) is out the window.

I was worried because I'm sick with a head cold - sick enough that I couldn't even go to a baby shower today that I had been looking forward to. I wondered what my evening and night would be like. George left at 6:30 and she was cranky but I just didn't know where I would find enough energy to carry around a fussy baby all night long. I gave her some Tylenol and then a bath, and she was mostly calm.

She napped for about 40 minutes after that and woke up just in time for "Buffy". Of course that figures, since I was hoping she'd sleep through it. I saw most of it, but I'll have to watch the tape this week sometime to catch the stuff I missed - she didn't scream or cry, but she was having such a loud "conversation" with her teething ring that I didn't hear all the dialogue.

After the show was over, she was content to engage is some quiet play time until it was time for her to eat again. Then she fell asleep on the boppy so I read while she slept. The next time she woke up was about 12:15 am and I changed her diaper, fed her, and put her to bed for real. Unlike what is the norm for us, I was actually able to sneak back out of bed after she was done and I came out to the living room to do this entry. I should be sleeping but my afternoon nap threw me off a bit and my nose is so stuffy that it's keeping me awake. Still, it's so unusual that I can do anything like this without George around as backup that I'm happy to have a chance to write at all.

She did throw me into a panic though. I was sitting out here calmly when I heard an explosive cough from the bedroom. I flew down the hall, expecting to see that she had spit up and was choking on it, but she was still asleep. I guess with the excess saliva from teething, she just swallowed the wrong way but it wasn't enough to wake her up. I was amazed. And once my heart stopped pounding, I left her to keep sleeping.

I think I'll stop writing now though and get myself to bed. I need the rest and she looks very cozy in bed so I think I'll join her.

Hayley got too hot and sweaty when she was out today so when we got home, I left her just in her diaper and socks for awhile. As you can see, this makes her VERY happy.